I’m the very lucky mummy of two happy, healthy children. They adore each other, and of course I adore them too. They look pretty different – one has poker straight blonde hair and blue eyes; the other has brown ringlets and brown eyes. But they both have my ski jump nose and the unfortunate chin shared by all of the women in my family.
I’m not too surprised that they look so different – they have different dads.
Growing up as the child of a “broken home” I always promised myself that I would never allow my children to be put in that situation. I’m not sure I ever totally forgave my mum for making me grow up only seeing my dad at alternate weekends, and for then moving me to the opposite end of the country which made the visits even less frequent. Also didn’t help that the new stepdad and I did NOT get on.
But then I found myself pregnant at 20 and realising that sometimes, that’s just the way that life is.
When my baby was born I was overcome with emotion, this little bundle (I say little, she was 9lb 4oz) became my everything and every fibre of my being became dedicated to doing the very best that I could. Sadly, after six years with him I had to call time on my relationship with the father of my eldest, for my sanity. It had been a long, painful and emotional journey and I knew that I couldn’t be the best mother to my baby if I stayed with him. So I left.
In time I met my now-husband, who simply adores my eldest. We have since had a baby together, and the two girls are the centre of our world. Our lives literally revolve around them.
I was worried about the effect that having another baby, who has a different dad, would have on my eldest. Would she feel like she didn’t belong? Would she be jealous that our youngest lives with both her parents full time?
But it has become apparent to me that children don’t see things so black and white. Both of our children know that they are loved unconditionally. They can be wonderful, they can be naughty, they can be cheeky – but they are always loved no matter what.
My eldest spends half of each week with us at home, and the other half of the week with her dad. As much as it breaks my heart only seeing her for half of the week I know that this is the best thing for her – our relationship might have crashed and burned but he is a very good father. And, quite rightly, she adores him.
Sometimes questions come up surrounding the meaning of terms such as step-sister, half-sister, stepdad and so on. But our reply is always the same; you don’t need to worry about labels, we are all one big family. My eldest seems quite happy with that, and also about the fact that she gets two birthday celebrations, two Christmases, two big family holidays – every year!
On paper our family probably looks a little dysfunctional, but in truth we are happy, healthy, and better people for being able to make this potentially difficult situation work. My children are emotionally balanced and take everything in their stride and I couldn’t be more proud of that, especially when I look back and see how much I struggled as a child. Perhaps that’s why I have made sure not to make the same mistakes, and have dealt with a similar situation so differently.
The biggest thing that I struggle to deal with, is how fast my two angels are growing up!! If anyone has found a magical way to keep them at this adorable age (7 and 2) so I can cuddle them to sleep every night forever, do let me know…
L xx
I originally wrote this post as a guest blog, for Ugly Duck Books. Read the original post here.
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