Ten things I wish I knew when I was 18

I often lay in the bathtub and ponder life. What might have been, what I did wrong, what I got very right, what might happen in the future. I have some regrets, I have some triumphs, I have some "oh God just don't even think about it"s. Bathtub pondering is one of my favourite things.

Lately, I've been wondering what would have been helpful to have known at 18 (when my life took a very different direction than it might have), and whether it would have made any difference to where I am now.

So whilst exfoliating with my youngest's "sleepy time bath wash" (it's dead glam being a momma), I formulated a little list.

L xx

Ten things I wish I knew when I was 18

1. Being a grown up does not mean that you have to do it all by yourself, or that you can't ask for help.

Sometimes, life will get very hard, and that's ok. L you can ask your Mum if you can move back in. L you don't have to put up with what's going on in your relationship. L your Dad is always at the end of the phone if you need him.

2. Just because someone has said "sorry", doesn't mean anything will change.

Sorry isn't a magical remedy for an unfaithful relationship. It doesn't mean that someone who lets you down consistently will suddenly become a saint. Walk through the door, head held high, and never look back.

3. A dead end job still pays the bills

Floating from one boring job to the next can be soul destroying, but as long as those bills are being paid, does it really matter what your job is? Ambition is fantastic but until you get to where you want to be, you need to make sure you're in a secure position or you'll never get anywhere.

4. Wine and cigarettes is not actually a diet

Stress, misery, lack of money. Clearly this was back when smoking was considerably cheaper and wine could easily be bought cheaply too. But a healthy diet will keep you on track mentally as well as physically. And smoking is just a no-no.

5. Having a baby will seriously diminish your friendship circle

People without children don't give a hoot that you have to pay bills and stick to a feeding schedule and get up in the night and clean dirty nappies. They often want to live selfishly - and why shouldn't they? They don't have dependents. But having children will make you realise who your true friends are. The ones that won't freak out to find you wandering around with one nipple out partway through a feed, with bird nest hair and seven day old pyjamas. They're the ones that bring a meal to you instead of expecting you to cook. That watch the baby while you get a quick shower, that are always at the end of the phone. Respect that.

6. The people that cut you out of their life aren't actually worth bothering about

It hurts at the time and you'll probably cry endlessly for days, but think on. Why have they done this? If they cared, why would they inflict this pain? There are many people who would do almost anything for you, so focus on them. Your life will be no poorer for losing the people who probably consumed the most of your energy for little emotional return.

7. If you think it's a bad idea, it probably is

Your instincts come from when we were cavemen. See a threat? Run. See food? Eat. Life was much simpler then, and in recent times we have clouded our instincts with free thought, emotion, and material things. At the end of the day, your instincts will usually be pretty accurate (unless you're drunk or high of course). Listen to what your head tells you, if it seems like a bad idea, forget it and move on.

8. Do not allow anyone to use you

A relationship on any level, whether romantic, friendly, work or otherwise, should be a mutually beneficial thing. You should never be putting all of your energy into anything that doesn't give you something back. No matter who you are, you are your number one. Until you have children at which point you become number two. But still, don't be someone's punching bag (emotionally or physically) and never let anyone use you for their own purposes.

9. Before you go food shopping, write a list

Ideally of the things you want to eat in the next week, and then from that, what items you need to buy. Then you won't spend a crazy amount of money on a whole host of delicious things that you can't actually put together to make a meal. And you'll reduce waste too.

10. Growing up is hard, but no one said it would be easy

Transitioning from a child to a teenager to a young adult to an older adult is emotional, stressful, confusing, and bloody hard. So many things change mentally and physically, as well as outside influences that just make the whole process much more challenging. No one told you it would be as difficult as this, but then no one said it would be easy either. Chin up kid, you got this.