Smoke & Mirrors

Mental health awareness is growing, but the stigma remains. It affects over 350 million people world wide, and yet we still don't understand why it's such an issue.

Depression is more than just feeling sad. It's not something you can get over, snap out of, forget about. It's not necessarily linked to whether you have something to be unhappy about - you could have everything you desire and still suffer with depression.

Depression comes in waves and cycles. You might be a lucky one and only suffer from one "stint" in your entire life, or you could be carrying that burden forever, a ticking time bomb just waiting to unleash chaos in your mind over and over again.

During a particular stint, you may begin to feel better, only to have a "down episode". A period of time in which you feel you are back to square one.

I'm currently in that dip. I'm living with dysthymia, or high functioning depression. I can get up and go to work and smile and laugh... so nothing is wrong with me, right?

Actually, doing all of those things is physically exhausting. There are persistent headaches, insomnia plagues me, mental pain manifests itself as physical pain such as back or joint ache. I just want to curl up in bed and hide from the world. I'm a terror for consistently cancelling social arrangements, because just getting through everything I have to in a day is more than enough, without adding to the metaphorical weight I am carrying around.

Living with this destroys relationships. People just don't understand what it is that you are going through, because there are no physical symptoms. You're not in a plaster cast, don't have a rash, don't need a wheelchair - it's known as the invisible illness for a reason.

So many of my "friends" have given up on me over the years, tired of me cancelling last minute, tired of me not replying to calls and texts and emails. It becomes a lonely place.

I like to think of myself as one of the lucky ones, because on the outside I am able to live a pretty normal life. I can go to work, be a good mum to my girls, and mostly manage to socialise. If I'm honest, a lot of it is a front. A lot of it is smoke and mirrors. But it's working.

Maybe this is a rant, maybe it isn't. I don't really know. But what I do know is that we need to be talking more and judging less.

Be supportive, be understanding, be open to listening to any and everyone who needs to talk. It's not about saying you'll be there, it's about actually being there when someone needs you.

L xx