Have you ever noticed, that being a mum (or dad), is like a never ending battle? It's the most beautiful, rewarding, exhausting battle ever. Like, I'm not even sure I sleep on a night, because I wake up feeling just as knackered as when I climbed into bed.
My mind is a constant swirl of thoughts - must remember swimming kit on Wednesday, polish school shoes tomorrow. wash PE kit at the weekend, check the spare clothes in the nappy bag in the morning...
There is defiance to deal with. Jeez my two girls are sassy. The thing is, I can see so much of myself in them that it's hard not to find it amusing - although being told to calm myself down by a two year old at 3am when she is screaming for NO GOOD REASON is slightly less than amusing.
The tantrums over what we're having for dinner, or what colour pants I picked out for them to wear that day, or the fact that their shoes are two inches to the left of where they wanted them to be.
The fights. Oh my life the fights. My girls adore eachother or hate eachother. There is no happy medium. The eldest will never dare to do anything back to the youngest, so of course the youngest takes full advantage and will slap and pinch and bite... Usually over some heinous crime such as smiling in the wrong way, or saying hello, or my new personal favourite; "she blinked at me Mummy". Riiiiiight.
And the mess. I work all day, come home and make dinner, get the girls bathed and to bed, and then tidy up. But at some point within that time, the girls have managed to leave toys and books and clothes strewn from one end of the house to the other. The other day I got to work to find a pair of the youngest's pants (worn, delightful) in my handbag. Oh and I found them whilst in a meeting. Think I got away with that one unscathed, just about.
Sometimes I feel the need to have a full on rant about all of these things, without someone judging me and my abilities as a parent. Yes I may need to let off some steam, but I adore my girls unconditionally, I'd literally do anything for them, and let's face it, my life would be a much duller and unhappier place without all of the sass and fighting and mess.
These girls keep me grounded, keep me sane (whilst simultaneously driving me insane), and are the reason that I managed to pull myself through everything that happened last year. Without them, I don't think I could have done it.
This morning, I asked the youngest how she was feeling today, and she answered "I am so so happy mummy, and I love you". Oh wow - my heart nearly burst.
It's normal to need to rant sometimes. It's not healthy to keep everything bottled up. And if you find the right ear, you'll probably find that the person you're talking to is experiencing the same things as you.
You CAN love your children but be wildly frustrated by them. You CAN rant and still be an amazing parent. The trick is, finding real friends that will listen without judgement.
L xx
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