I find myself as this parent for Christmas 2016.
It's been a really tough few weeks leading up to the festive period, I've not wanted to send Christmas cards, not wanted to go shopping for gifts. Not wanted to socialise.
Christmas with depression is pretty miserable.
I'm so lucky to have had amazing friends surrounding me, those who have understood that I haven't wanted to be a part of this big happy celebration. They've held my hand, held me up, poured me wine. I've had messages daily from them, with silly anecdotes and heartfelt comments, some sending me memes to crack me up, others offering to come and stay so I'm not alone.
I've kept a brave face on it all for my girls, who thankfully seem completely oblivious to it all. They are so excited for Christmas and Santa coming to deliver gifts, for spending time off school and childcare with those that they love.
Christmas isn't just hard for Warrior Parents, but for anyone struggling with grief, depression, anxiety... The list is endless.
Most people won't share their feelings with others; they'll keep their illness hidden from the world, quietly ashamed and afraid of the stigma. And this my friends, is what makes it so dangerous.
There is nothing wrong with feeling those feelings, just don't do it alone. Speak to someone, anyone. If not a friend or family member, then a support group, your doctor, or a helpline like Samaritans. Believe in yourself and your ability to get through it. It may not seem like it but these dark times don't last forever. Keep focused and keep going and it will be worth it.
So back to Christmas - I'm heading to my Dad's house for a silly amount of wine, and to go out for a curry. Christmas can absolutely do one this year!
Roll on 2017 and better, brighter times.
L xx
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