Being Mum

I used to feel so embarrassed of my post baby body.

The saggy boobs, the stretch marks, the little bit of baggy tummy that has never quite gone away.

I’ve felt almost ashamed, unattractive, my confidence in my boots.

No matter how many times Mr W told me I am beautiful, gorgeous or whatever, it bounced right off me like water on a duck’s back. No way was this a good look.

You see those celebrities who have perfect slim stomachs seemingly five minutes after giving birth, with perky boobs, immaculate makeup, the perfect mani-pedi and somehow managing to keep white jeans white.

Meanwhile I’m over here wearing a tshirt belonging to Mr W, my face full of spots and hair that’s more dry shampoo than hair, baby snot smeared on my shoulders and a considerable amount of dog hair stuck to my trouser legs. Disgusting.

I’ve been away from the blog for a little while, getting my head together and working through some of those thoughts. At the beginning of the year I posted about wanting to lose weight and stop being a slob, and I think in my mind it was geared around these body issues. My mum issues. Heaven forbid my husband would wake up one day and not want me, because my body was too disgusting. And if he did, there’s no way that anyone else would ever want this mess.

But is it a mess?

I am one of those incredibly lucky women who has managed to conceive easily, carry two healthy babies, and give birth naturally with no complications. I have two beautiful, happy and healthy girls who are clever, wonderful children.

Is having some body issues a price worth paying for that? You’re damn right it is.

This material, judgmental world we live in really grinds my gears. When I was ten we were running around playing with skipping ropes, wearing knee length skirts and as a treat for the school disco maybe a slick of (now I look back, disgusting) blue eyeshadow. Ten year olds these days have iPhones, HD brows, wear full faces of makeup and skimpy clothes. It disgusts me. What are we doing to these children? No wonder we all have so many body issues!

Whilst working through these things in my head I realised that it wasn’t my body itself that I had a problem with, it was what others thought of how I look that mattered. But if we’re honest, it really doesn’t matter at all.

So what if I am carrying a few extra pounds – I am not unhealthily overweight, I eat properly, I have no health issues. So what if I have a baggy tummy and saggy boobs? I carried two babies and breastfed them both. My body has fulfilled two major natural roles, and I couldn’t be more grateful for the beautiful children I created.

I’ve removed a number of negative factors from my life lately, cut off people that took more than they gave, moved away from things that made me feel inadequate. And now I feel at peace.

I may not feel comfortable in a bikini this summer, but in my skin? Could not be happier. Being mum is about embracing and loving your body, celebrating the changes that having your children has caused, and one of the best things I’ve heard?

“Your body is not ruined. You’re a goddamn tiger who earned her stripes”.

Yeah I did.

Go out there and be proud of who you are and what you’ve become – being mum is the most exhausting, amazing, WONDERFUL thing you could ever do.

L xx